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July 14, 2014

Im Different

It seems like Im always asking myself do I want to blog? And if I do, then do I really want to share my life with strangers? Am I blogging for myself or for others? What are the pros and cons of blogging? What exactly am I going to blog about and not blog about?

In my opinion, it seems like everyone has a blog now. And if Im being really honest, I stopped reading a lot of blogs because it seems like no one is themselves. Which I get, I don't know every blogger on a personal level but how many women can have the same blog design, the same Instagram pics, the same perfect outfit with freshly painted nails showing off their Starbucks cup of coffee... Then there's always the weekend recap posts, link ups, sponsored posts... its all just the same.

I MEAN COME ON.

I am over it.

This is my point...

I don't care what anyone says... being a wife is hard. Being a mom is hard. Sending your husband off on a deployment is hard. Packing up everything you own and shipping it across the United States is hard. Making friends is hard. Losing people is hard. Life is hard.

So sometimes at the end of the day when everyone else is asleep, coming to my computer with my headphones in to just type out how I feel is the best feeling. Even if I don't hit publish (which the majority of the time I don't) I feel better knowing that I just got it off my chest without updating my Facebook status as if Im seeking attention.

Again, the point is I want to be different from all of you and I should be.

People blog for all different reasons but as time goes on, Ive learned that Im truly writing for myself. For my sanity. I can't let someones opinion of my blog ruin that for me, its not fair. I shouldn't stop blogging because I feel a different way than someone else. The longer that I have my blog, its like I learn more and more of what I don't want it to be. I shouldn't be scared to be different. Many of my old posts have been deleted and as a new chapter in my life starts Im okay with that. Im okay with not trying to keep up with everyone else and what others think is the "right" thing to do, and thats whether it has to do with blogging or not.

So whatever it is that you are doing in life, make sure its for YOU and not anyone else.

July 8, 2014

Two Weeks

14 days.

Thats how long we have left in Hawaii.

Our household goods have been packed and shipped, one car has been sent off to Virginia and here we are left with what can fit in a suitcase and loaner furniture, yuck. I am honestly more than ready to have our things back and to start decorating our new home. Which I got new pictures of the inside today and I must say, it is looking pretty good. Anyways, so Im missing the convenience of having everything right there when I need it, especially a high chair for Jonah. Im seriously not complaining though, things are good. The progress of the house is on time; we will be moving in on July 31st. Erik made 1st class (yay!), Jonah turned 1 plus Erik and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary.

In between getting some last minute things done, we are busy crossing off some of the to do's on our Hawaii list. As much as I love living here and I will miss it like hell... Im excited to call a new place home, Im excited to be first time home owners and Im excited to make it our own. Im not however excited for the boat life again. I'm not excited to stand on that pier and send my husband off, but like they say (who ever they are) duty calls.

Hawaii... we've had our ups and downs here but I think for me personally it will always hold a special place in my heart. I have learned from the bad times and I will smile remembering the good times. I hope to one day be back here to make new memories but until then I will enjoy life in Virginia. I will continue to look at the positive side of things and try my best to enjoy these new changes, as tough as they may be at times.

Now if you'll excuse me, Im off to clean just to avoid a $285 fee. Gotta love military housing.

May 13, 2014

Family Of 4?

For as long as I can remember Ive always wanted a boy and a girl, a girl first as a matter of fact. It just so happened that I got lucky and things turned out the way I had hoped. 

Erik and I were both 19 when we got married. We found out that I was pregnant with Emalyn just 5 months after saying I do. He missed the majority of the pregnancy plus her birth due to a deployment and let me tell you right now, theres nothing like standing on a cold ass pier handing your husband his new baby for the first time. It was strange really. Since he missed the birth, I knew that once Emalyn had gotten older that I wanted to have one more. I wanted to experience having a child with my husband. I wouldn't exactly say that he was on board at first but after talks and talks of the pros he agreed to try again while we were still on shore duty. Turns out, I got pregnant with a boy... and we're done. Our family of 4 will never be a family of 5. (If someone does their job correctly)

I personally don't want our whole marriage to be about babies. 

That might make some of you gasp but hear me out... Like I said above, we chose to get married young and accidentally started a family sooner than we wanted. We took responsibly for our actions and quickly jumped into mommy/daddy mode. The reason why I say that I don't want my whole marriage to be about babies is because I want to experience something with Erik other than having kids. I want to see rated R movies and go out for drinks. I want to have a night home alone with my husband. (We've never lived close enough to family for that to be a option.) I want to do whatever it is that married people do and I don't think that makes me selfish in the least bit. 

I want to be Erik's wife. Not just the mother to Erik's kids.

Can I still be his wife and have more kids with him? Sure, but when your done... you just know. 
Is a part of me sad that I will never experience pregnancy again? Yes and no. But deep down I know that I can't just get pregnant for the sake of hearing a heartbeat or seeing a baby on a screen. Theres so much more that goes into all of that. We are going to have so many "firsts" with Emalyn and Jonah. They are both so young and have a whole lot of growing to do. I want to be able to give them both the attention that they deserve while also giving my husband "wife" time. Even if Erik was to get out of the Navy (which he isn't) we still wouldn't want more kids. Our decision has nothing to do with the military. Our decision has to do with whats best for us, regardless of the military and other peoples opinions. 

 We are in a good place right now in our lives and we feel good about keeping our family as 4. I feel happy knowing that I have a good husband, 2 awesome kids, a brand new home to move into and the fact that I will never be a mini van mom also makes me happy.