The other morning I doubted myself and the choices that I could have made. It was over something silly really but I feel like as a wife and a mother I should know what to do in every situation and honestly sometimes I just don't. Im human and there are times when I just don't have the answers.
Erik will soon be leaving to go back out to sea and all over again I need to learn how to live life like I don't have a husband in a sense. Every decision can no longer be talked over with him. Every problem that comes up he isn't going to know about it until possibly after the fact. I get it. Im an adult. But there comes a time when your just so use to having your husband home to lean on, to talk to, to have the weight of taking care of everything lifted off your shoulders. And then he leaves, so its all you. That can be scary for anyone. That can overwhelm and worry anyone.
No one can take the place of your husband while he is away. The hardest part for me personally is night time. The kids are in bed, the house is calm and quiet and Im all alone. Theres no one to talk to about my day, what the kids did, what dinner will be for the following night or even to make weekend plans with. Then theres the fact that Im not one to ask for help. If I do, I usually back out before someone can even help me. I need to remember that I have family here who is willing to help, who is willing to watch the kids so I don't have a baby on my lap at a dentist appointment.
So this is me putting on my big girl panties and believing in myself. Believing that I can and will get through the next five years without seeing my husband much. Believing that I can deal with any situation or problem that may come up without my husband by my side. Believing that it is okay to ask for help. Ive been a military spouse for over eight years so theres no going back now, theres only moving forward and handling shit like I should be.
If you are a military wife, how do you make the adjustment from shore duty to sea duty?